She closed her eyes, clinched her fist tight enough for her long nails to hurt her. She wanted to feel the pain, she wanted it to be sharp enough to silent her thoughts. She was tired of trying to avoid them, as they would come back every time she was alone. They never left her alone. It was her head criticizing her all the time. She wanted to be incessantly good to everyone and at everything and this pressure was eating her up. She had set such high standards for herself that however good she did she was never good enough to be the best. She was tired of this.
She finally opened her eyes and looks at Rishi who was sleeping besides her. She decided to wake him up and talk to him. But then she had nothing to discuss, he like always was happy with her and didn’t have any complains. The problem was her, she decided to take action. She knew something was wrong here and no Rishi was neither able to understand nor comfort her. She switched on her laptop and started typing and soon she knew what it was. She knew she needed professional help to come out of this. She finally slept, with a decision to take help to have a better life. It was #the night that changed her life for better. She could finally understand what was happening to her and that it had an end to it.
Today she is much more confident than she ever was. But as an survivor of Depression she is the one who knows what it really is like. No one else but someone who has had to deal with it understands it. Today she is a counselor and talks to people who are still trying to cope with it. She knows how important it is to listen without questions or advices. It is the not emptiness but a crowded head that leaves you more tired than anything else.
Today she is so thankful for that one sleepless night that changed everything for her and brought everything back into correct viewpoint. But even today she thinks why did she wait so endlessly long before reading or asking for help. The only answer she gets is “you need to go back to Zero to make a fresh start” as very correctly they say "The Darkest Hour Of The Night Is Just Before The Dawn".